Now That You Mention It...

Toddler Brainwashing: OK

I'm BA-ACK!

Back, that is, from my long weekend of skiing in Keystone, Colorado. We got in Wednesday night, to a huge snowstorm that dropped over a foot of snow on the area. Great for skiing, not so great for doing anything else like driving, walking or unpacking the car.

But no worries, we had a fabulous time and I discovered that skiing really IS like riding a bike. It had been a good ten years since I last skied, but after only an hour, I found myself staring longingly at the moguls and black diamond runs.

Toddler Child was good on the plane, save for the requisite few minutes of screaming and general demon possession. We brought along our trusty DVD player equipped with Baby Songs, which exorcised the demons right out.

Which brings me to another discussion point. I'm fully aware that by revealing this, I will probably take myself out of contention of Mother of the Year. (Although that probably happened when I let my son drink half of my Diet Coke yesterday.)

OK, here goes--my husband and I found a way to keep our nineteen month old quiet when we go out to dinner:

   

DVD player equaled two hours of silence. Which meant no kicking, shrieking, arm flailing or wrestling matches. Which meant both of us were able to sit at the table and eat our food. Which meant one of us wasn't outside with our kid, letting him be Raptor Child in his natural habitat. All of which means Totally. Worth. The. Dirty. Looks.

The Post in Which I Overthink Twilight

This weekend, I forced my husband to do something pretty squarely against his will: Watch Twilight.

Having not seen the movie or read the book myself, I figured it was time to see what this Twilight bidnez is all about. I knew the basic idea--girl, vampire, sparkles, no nookie for fear of rabid vampire biting. And I wanted my husband to watch it with me. As payback for forcing me to watch You, Me and Dupree.

But as the movie ended, he turned to me and said, "I thought it was pretty good." And after some thought, I thought it was "pretty good" too. I still don't get the fervent EDWARDOMGLUHYESPARKLESPARKLETEAMVAMPIREKISS mania, but I'm not fourteen, either.

So, here are my observations for the movie:

1. Edward came off like he had some kind of meth addiction in the beginning. Because? Pale, skinny guy who makes weird eye movements and sniffs the air? Who talks in a jerky, stilted manner and sat next to you in Bio? Was probably on drugs. But, feel free to ask him if he's a vampire.

2. What was with the whole, "We shouldn't be friends" convo in the cafeteria? I didn't think they WERE friends. Even so, OK, fine. Then get away from me and stop fondling that apple.

3. I inadvertently laughed at all of the flying/jumping around scenes. And the speedracing scenes with Bella on Edward's back. I don't think that was the intended effect.

4. I'd heard the criticism that Edward = stalker, abusive boyfriend. I didn't really see it that clearly in the movie. But the book could be different. Mostly, he just came off like the weird guy down the street with the aforementioned meth addiction.

5. My husband cannot see Peter Facinelli in any movie without repeating his lines from Can't Hardly Wait. The second he came on screen, my husband was like, "Aman-DUH!" and "Trip McNeely, alright!"

So, that's it. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but it was far from the worst. Now if I can just figure out how to bottle up some of that teenage hysteria to inject into my own books, I'll be set.

Oh! One last one: How did Carlisle Cullen obtain a medical license? Don't you need, like, proof of medical school attendance and stuff? Wouldn't he have originally gone to medical school last last century? How did he keep up with medical trends/discoveries i.e. "You have polio. You will die...Oh, wait...You say there's a cure for it now?"

General Hospital: I Did Love Ye So

I must give a big shout-out to The Dairi Burger, home to all things 90's, for reminding me this morning about my former crazy-whacked-funkin love for General Hospital. Circa 1993, I was OBSESSED with this show. No joke. Like, I would tape it every day on my combo TV/VCR (So! Technologically! Advanced!) and race home from school to watch that day's episode.

Am suspecting I was a Giant Loser.

Anyway, I refer to this period as "General Hospital's Golden Years." Much like when the cast of 90210 was still in high school and Brenda and Dylan snuck off to Baja.

GH had the Quartermains, Jagger and Karen, Sonny and Stone/Mike, Brenda when she was slutty and evil. This was all pre-Jason Quartermain's head injury that turned him into Jason Morgan. And, of course, pre-Luke and Laura's return and pre-Cassadines.

Who will Jagger choose? Oh noes!

And let's not forget the extravaganza of The Nurses Ball every year--basically a week-long talent show for the cast members to showcase their awful singing and dancing skills. But it sure was "wacky."

Having not watched the show for at least 10 years, save for a few minor stints in college, I wonder if I would be able to follow any of the story lines. I'm sure the characters are pretty much the same, just with different actors. I hesitate to start watching again, because then I'd be all, "Wha? Oh no she di-int!" and "I thought he died?" and "What the eff happened to Kevin's evil twin Ryan Chamberlin?"

My New Book: Imperial Starship Girl

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Whether Irish or just love Guinness and getting drunk in public, I hope you all have a fabulously green day!

I'm still in the process of planning my Bump in the Road launch parties, but when I do, you are all invited to watch me spill red wine all over myself and attempt to speak intelligently about, you know, books and stuff. Or we can just talk about trashy reality television and guess what highly-flammable material Bret Michaels hair extensions are made of.

Oh, and a bit of the luck of the Irish for me (hopefully) as my YA, Ethereal Girl, will be sent out soon! You might remember me mentioning that my husband thinks it's hilarious to call it Eth Er Al Gurl a la hills-of-Kentucky style. Today, he accidentally called it Imperial Girl. Like Star Wars style.

Marriage. Always good for a laugh.

Happy Early St. Paddy's (NOT Patty) Day!

Who likes green beer? I do! I do!

When I was in college, there was an event that happened every year--Green Beer Day--in honor of St. Patrick's Day. The bars would open at like 5am during the middle of the week and we'd spend the day drinking (what else?) green beer and talking in pseudo-Irish accents i.e. "Top o' the mornin' to ya, lassie!"

Scary, right?

And now that my sister goes to the same college, I get text mesages from her every Green Beer Day like this one: "GBD rules! Don't you wish you were still in college?"

And I reply that yes, some days I do. Because I got the text as I was on my way into work after wrangling my toddler who had a meltdown over being jealous of the cat instead of drinking beer with my friends.

But, even though I might not be in college anymore, my love for St. Patrick's Day celebrations and green beer imbibing has not waned in the slightest. That's why, this Saturday afternoon, we're going to a family-friendly St. Paddy's day party at a local Irish bar. Face painting for the kid, Guiness for dad and Irish music for mom. Can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon.

And while I'm dancing an Irish jig with shamrock stickers on my cheeks, I will think about next week. Because my YA book (This Book Rulez and Has Irish Stuff In It), the book with fun Celtic mythology, is going on submission. Possibly on St. Patrick's Day.

The coincidence. It burns.

And so I will end with a snippet of dialogue from This Book Rulez. It's from my main character, Leah. Context to remain a mystery:

"Yeah, yeah. I’m Irish, so what? I’ve never been to Ireland and never met any of my relatives that live over there. And I hate wool sweaters, mashed potatoes and corned beef. Not to mention the color green. Tell the faeries this isn’t the old country. It’s America and they can’t afford to be choosy, can they?”

Sláinte!

Quick Intermission

I'd like to interrupt the regularly-scheduled reality show snark for a quick "SQUEEEE!"

I just heard good news from my editor that one of the major bookstore chains loved A Bump in the Road and will be giving it great in-store placement.

*Head explodes*

Now, back to thinking about For the Love of Ray J. and how I still don't have a clue who this dude is other than being Moesha's Z-list brother...

My Child Belongs in Jurassic Park

Anyone else feel like they got beat up by Bret Michael's plastic hair extensions* thanks to this time change?

Ugh.

My kid does not seem to understand the whole, "Go to bed now. I don't care if your body thinks it's 6pm. Mommy needs to surf online and watch How I Met Your Mother." Instead, he jumped up and down in his crib last night and shrieked for like two hours. It sounded like a fight between a raptor and a deranged squirrel.

Anyway.

This weekend I watched an awe to the some movie that I'd totally forgot existed: Mr. Destiny.

Starring Jim Belushi, it's basically like: Dude is depressed because he thinks his life sucks. So an angel comes and shows him what his life would be like if one small thing changed. And of course, he has money and a bunch of cool cars in this life, but he's a jerk and misses his old life. So, he learns to be grateful for what he has.

It's glorifically cheesy, with Linda Hamilton and her pseudo-Madonna hairbows and scary crimped hair. (Because she's free spirited, see. Anyone in movies who has crazy curly hair is always wacky. Straight hair = serious. Duh.)

But yes, Fabulous. With a capital FAB.

*Anyone else love when one of the ho-testants on the last episode of Rock of Love Skank Bus referred to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" as being "a long-ass time ago"? Then Bret got all pissed at her. I was like, "YES! She broke contract and made fun of him instead of talking about her 'connection to Bret' and how she's 'falling for him.'"